BLAHging

Sorry for the long blogging break. At first I justified it by my trip, then when I got back it became about collecting my ideas to finally flesh out the dozen entry stems I have waiting in the wordpress lineup. After long enough I just turned against blogging in general. The self importance that fuels its updates. The cringing, whirling feeling of self-loathing that envelops me every time I press that deceptively tranquil blue “publish” button. If only the word itself sounded a little more dignified, and less like a verb for hocking up phlegm. It definitely stacks up negatively by the facial feedback test – as you say it -“blahhhging” your face is drawn into a grimace, which in its subtle way physically reinforces any sentiment you had to begin with (I actually don’t know of any research to back up the correlation between the emotional charge of a word and the parallel expression formed in pronouncing it, but it’s long been my suspicion that it’s no coincidence that “happy” draws your lips up, imitating a smile, and “sad” does the opposite.)

However what drew me back, and draws me in in the first place, is that removed from all its douchey associations, at its core, blogging is really just self publishing. By using an interactive forum where I can be held accountable if I suck or fall behind, I have motivation to improve my writing, and ultimately, clarify my own thought. But I can’t pretend that blogging still doesn’t make me feel like an asshole. There’s comfort, even vanity, in keeping thought limited to its private, transient swish within our own mental spheres. Yet it can also be deluding, and I’ll often find that my intellectual self esteem fails to hold up when it comes to real interpersonal life. Blogging strikes me as a chance to start to bridge that communication gap.

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